My Sprint to Greatness

My arms pump wildly, willing my legs to keep going. My mind yells at me, "You can't do this, you can't do this." I sigh, and start to slow down. I can hardly get enough air, my legs burn, and my arms feel fatigued. Then I realized, "I am going to do this, even if I can't." In other words, I know I can do this, even if everything in my body and mind says I can't. I realized the only one who was holding me back, was me. Even if the result might be colapsing at the end of the track, I will make it there to the end of the track. Even if I am very last, I won't give up, but press forward and get to the desired end.
My horsemanship skills are developing wonderfully, I have my moments. Don't we all? A particular moment this past week, makes me reflect and strive to better myself.....
March 20~~~
As I walked out to the gate, my head felt a little woozy and my body ached and felt fatigued. I'd caught a bug that weekend and it seemed to be looming over me, not quite leaving completely and still threatning to come crashing down. I felt I needed to get out of the house and get some fresh air, mingling with my horses was the best medicine I could ever recieve. I opened the gate and watched as the horses percked up their ears and came over to meet me, exited to be messed with after being neglected the day before, they were so ready to be played with. I was tired and felt the smallest thing could tip me over the edge into anger and frustration. Pride came up timidly, hiding behind the others, he could sense my tipsy mood and wasn't quite sure he wanted to 'mingle' with me. My anger and frustration flared, I had spent almost every moment of my free time teaching, playing and working to get connected and motivate Pride, and he didn't even want to come to me just to say hello. I felt so frustrated, I was angry he wouldn't do what I expected him to do after all I've done, and I was frustrated because I knew I was wrong to 'expect' him to do something. I knew I was being totally unfair, but I don't know what happened. I walked unwaveringly to Pride, ignoring his rolling eyes and big breaths as he looked at me frightened, I simply walked up to him and rubbed him on the shoulder. He still looked at me uncertainly, probably thinking "this isn't my girl, what is she doing?!" I ignored all the signs and my mood flipped from just being down to being down right grumpy as Pride wheeled around and took off, fleeing away from me with all the other horses running at his heels. I stood there stunned watching the dust settle, then the realization hit me. My horse had just run away from, out of total fear. I was angry, I stormed back threw the gate, locked it and disapeared back into the house. Atleast, I had enough sense still with me to know that it was pointless and stupid to try to approach Pride again while I was this angry, it would only worsen things.
As I reflect, I find a couple weekness that need strengthning,

• Patience ~I need ALOT more patients
• Savvy ~ I shouldn't have even tried to mingle with the horses while I was on the brink of a melt down, when I knew that any little thing could set me off. Pride can usually set me off pretty easily, he knows how to push my buttons. I've learned to play his game, and I actually find it kind of fun too! :)

I'm sure I will find more as I go threw the journey.
Kaylee

The Fear and Loneliness That Is Following Me Like a Shadow

I lay in bed, knowing any minute my mother would open my door and tell me to get up for school. My eyes felt blurry, and my blankets were wadded up around my ankles. I was too tired to grab them, too cold to fall asleep. Usually, I'm the first one up, but not today. Last night was horrible...
When I turned my lights out, everything got so dark, so cold. I felt terribly alone and I was scared, everyshadow seemed to be moving. Every dark corner seemed to be hiding the unknown. I'm never scared of my room after dark, usually, I'm relieved when I turn out the lights at night and dream. Last night, I was scared to fall asleep. I felt cold, lonely, and confused. I asked myself over and over, "why?" Why am I so scared? Of what? I still cannot answer that. After seeing the light of dawn, which dawned too early, a part of me still felt the same. I'm still scared. I'm still confused. I can't answer the question why? But maybe time will answer it for me.
I have track practice after school, I wonder what it will be like? I've never participated in Track. I think I will enjoy it more than basketball, because nothing...er... nobody can hold me back. I don't have to deal with the team, the other girls who are so negative and depresing. I can see myself excelling over everyone in Discus, Shotput, Long Jump and High Jump. My goal is to be the best of the best, I won't stop until I am. I want greatness in everything I do, and that is exactly what I will get.
I will probably have more to say after practice...
Until then,
Kaylee